English translation · Reader alias: DuchuanRead the Chinese original ↗
Echo correspondenceNO. 20
An autumn exchange / For Airing
From Duchuan
Finding a little support in an uncertain life
Reader alias · Duchuan
NO. 20Letter
Duchuan to Airing
Hi, Airing
I am a programmer [university and graduation date removed], currently working on [specific technical role removed]. My income is quite good, yet I feel as though I am slowly withering in my own life.
On one hand, the novelty of entering working life has worn off, and I am gradually losing any sense of meaning outside work. On the other, I talk with people less and less, and have found myself on an island. My girlfriend of [length of relationship removed] and I live in different places—she is doing postgraduate study in [city removed]—and our relationship faces unprecedented challenges. Employment pressures keep growing, and work often leaves me afraid of what I might lose… Suddenly I cannot seem to hold on to any steady sense of value. Work, love, even the life I want: it feels as though any of them could leave me at any moment.
Fortunately, I have open-minded parents. They are the foundation of the values I hold on to, but we are growing further apart all the same. I know they will always look on me with love and hope, yet I can only go forward on my own. I now often get caught up in thinking too much about the future. I know it comes from fear of what lies ahead: career, love, a way of life… Airing, have you ever found yourself in this kind of difficulty?
If you are willing to hear me out, or even offer some advice, I would be truly grateful.
NO. 20Reply
Airing to Duchuan
Duchuan, I hope you are well.
First, thank you for your trust and your letter. Reading carefully, I see a young man with a fine sensitivity, observing and thinking more keenly than many of his peers. Yet that same quality is also what has led you into this “abyss of uncertainty.” Career, family and love are questions we cannot avoid as people living in society. For someone just entering working life, they become central questions in that change of identity, and you need to find ways to handle them.
These three areas have something in common: you feel lost in uncertainty, to the point of losing a sense of security. That in turn affects your underlying mood, making you more withdrawn and draining your enthusiasm and drive. If that is indeed the difficulty, then my hope is that you can find what is certain within uncertainty, gradually build on it, and recover some hope in yourself, the people around you and the future.
With family, you are fortunate that your parents are open-minded. I hope you will not carry too much pressure alone. When you face difficulties or doubts, think of your family first, talk and share more with them, and keep the relationship positive and close. They will always be there to support you and offer a shoulder; family ties last a lifetime. This is something you can be certain of.
With love, to be frank, distance is the greatest challenge, often the final trigger that separates couples who met at university. If you have a plan for a shared future—for example, if she will move to your city after postgraduate study—then offer her companionship and encourage each other through this uncertain period. If you have no shared plan, I suggest making one together should be a priority now: perhaps for one year, perhaps for three. Reach an understanding and work together toward that hopeful plan. This is something you need to establish.
With your career, growing employment pressure is a fact. If you do not want to be swept away, work on your abilities, stay engaged and make an effort at work, and develop the skills you need. That way, you can eventually have enough ability to face your future and no longer be so afraid of what you might lose. The same applies to life outside work. Keep good social relationships. If you are an extrovert, this is straightforward; if you are an introvert, you can develop interests such as ball games, role-playing mystery games or hiking. These can help you meet people outside work. Right now, you need to bring some sunshine into your life, step beyond your usual circle and rediscover enthusiasm for living; at the same time, keep moving forward at work. These are things you need to establish.
If you have other questions, feel free to write. I hope you can soon move beyond this period of feeling lost.