English translation · Reader alias: ChuqingRead the Chinese original ↗
Echo correspondenceNO. 18
A summer exchange / For Airing
From Chuqing
If I cannot get started, is my willpower to blame?
Reader alias · Chuqing
NO. 18Letter
Chuqing to Airing
Hello, Airing
I am a student at [university, subject and year removed]. I discovered you quite a while ago through [source of blog link removed]. I have just finished [academic year removed] and have been feeling very low, so I wanted to ask your advice.
The reasons feel rather complicated. After thinking them over, I have grouped them into three main parts.
First, my grades in [academic year removed]. I am extremely bad at mathematics, which is also why I am studying at [campus removed], where the entry score is lower. Add my lack of understanding of university study in [year removed]—half slacking off, half studying—and my ranking in the school for [year removed] is around [specific ranking removed]. I regret that deeply. But this leads to the second part, which is what troubles me most now. I procrastinate badly and am easily swayed by other people or outside distractions: I go with the crowd. For example, I decide to finish an assignment the day it is set, or go to the library the next day, then find excuses: everyone else is having fun and it is too noisy to work; I got up late, so I will skip today, studying in the dorm should be the same; or I simply cannot resist my phone. Now it is the summer break and the problem remains. Before the break, some classmates and I found a teacher to supervise a student research project. The teacher gave us material to study over the summer, but after [number of days removed] of the break, I have only read the first page. This happens every time I pull myself together and resolve to do something. It happens with my personal website and blog too: I always want to write, but do not know where to start. Looking back at secondary school, I seem to need positive feedback very quickly to stay interested or motivated. Frequent tests were like that: I could see or recognize my progress within a short time. Until [stage of secondary school removed], I was near the bottom of my class. Then, in [stage removed], I reached [specific rank removed]. I do not know whether something clicked or whether I was encouraged by it, but after that I kept improving and consistently held [specific ranks removed].
[Private relationship details unrelated to this issue have been removed.]
All three things came up together during the end-of-term exam period in [academic year removed], and have troubled me ever since…
Starting next term [academic year removed], I want to develop good study habits: go to the library in my free time, take my courses seriously, rest when it is time to rest and study when it is time to study, and try to qualify for admission to postgraduate study without the entrance exam. If, by [end of academic year removed], I am still far behind the top students in my subject, I will begin preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam. My target universities are [universities removed]. I am writing to ask how I can change my current bad habits, build good ones and work toward my goals. Could you offer some guidance, perhaps methods or productivity tools? I tend to pick up and learn new things fairly quickly.
As for my relationship difficulties, please ignore them if they fall outside the scope of the advice you offer.
NO. 18Reply
Airing to Chuqing
Hello, Chuqing
Thank you for writing and sharing what you are going through.
Having read your words, I would say from my own experience that none of these three things is a particularly big problem. It is good that you have noticed them at an early stage, but you need not be excessively anxious.
First, grades. If you are not planning postgraduate or further study, grades have less influence on your future. The most important thing is to be clear about what you want to achieve during your four years at university. If you are aiming for postgraduate study, work toward becoming an excellent student; if you want to study abroad, start preparing your English early; if you want a good job, try to do projects, enter competitions and win awards. Or, if you have no particular goal yet, cherish each day and use your limited time to discover what you love and what you are good at.
Second, procrastination. I procrastinate too, so the saying that deadlines are the best motivator is not without reason. If you have carried a task in your head since the first day of the break, or filled a to-do app with things you think about every day without doing them, you might be better off planning your break sensibly. For a long time, I have spent Saturdays doing very little and only started studying on Sunday afternoons. On the day off, I do not think about work or what remains undone. I put it all out of my mind and enjoy the present. Only by living each particular moment well can we avoid anxiety. And if we finish before the deadline, it is not really procrastination, is it?
[The response to private relationship matters unrelated to this issue has been removed.]
Also, when someone feels low, starting something that requires a long commitment and offers no visible result in the short term can be harder. So I would not recommend simply concluding that your current state means you have poor willpower. The more you judge and explain yourself in those terms, the easier it can be to enter a downward cycle of anxiety, avoidance and self-blame. Give yourself a few days to recover your mood and energy, then gather what you need, make a plan and set off again.