Weekly #29: A New Life

This issue is a record of and reflection on February through April 2025.

What’s Been Going On

Two months and no monthly update — this piece is a catch-up on where things stand.

The Plan

I left TME in October last year. During this gap period I mapped out two paths and set a hard deadline: six months, no more. Within those six months I needed to complete either Plan A or Plan B. I gave Plan A — MoFlow — three months of development time and two months for operations and testing. If early traction metrics weren’t hit, I would pause work on the project and hand it off to my co-founder. The tight timeline is exactly why the early development pace was so intense. Even living in Dali, I barely stepped outside to explore, and looking back I genuinely regret that.

Plan B was a fallback: avoid the startup risk and return to the job market. I’d always had a long-term plan to work abroad, so this time I wanted to go straight for a position based overseas. The last month of the gap period would go entirely toward interview prep, and I needed an offer within that month.

The timeline was tight, especially for overseas roles that required polishing my English. But I believe, whenever it comes, there are always options for what we can do. If at the first sign of difficulty we decide we can’t do something, the door to infinite possibility closes on us right then. I wasn’t willing to let that happen. I wanted to reach for as many possibilities as I could.

Interviews

After the new year I started preparing and sending out applications. This was my second job, so I was selective about where I applied.

Thinking carefully about future direction, I divided applications into three tracks: overseas — TikTok and Apple; management roles — Bilibili and Anker; and as a hedge, WeChat as a backup. Bilibili came through with a scope of about 15 people, so I skipped Anker. Apple was only offering Beijing-based roles and the role wasn’t a strong fit, so I passed.

Final results: TikTok and Bilibili both offered. I withdrew from WeChat voluntarily in the fourth round because I was already in TikTok’s HR interview by then. The interview experiences themselves also told a story — TikTok > Bilibili > the others. I was lucky enough to get the outcome I was hoping for: TikTok, with the offer I’d aimed for.

Farewells

TikTok’s role is based in Singapore. The company handled all the paperwork, but there was still a lot to sort out personally. I sold everything I could — old devices, miscellaneous things — but I kept putting off a decision about the Mini. I drove it everywhere that last month — to nearby cities, to places I’d been meaning to go. Finally, the day before I left for the airport, I sold it. I went back to the dealership where I’d originally bought it, and the price they offered was fair enough.

That last month I returned to Shenzhen and saw former colleagues, old classmates, and made a trip to Suzhou to say goodbye to a college roommate. By my count I’d been in Guangdong for eleven years, and in Shenzhen for almost six. All that time — and somehow without many earth-shaking memories to show for it. When the moment of leaving came, what I felt most was a quiet sadness.

A line from Youth Babylon came to me: “Farewells are always tinged with sorrow, and because of the sorrow, they can’t really be put into words — like a fine spring rain you can’t quite make out with the naked eye, and you’re not sure whether to put up an umbrella.” That was more or less my state. I wasn’t sure what I was losing. But I could feel that some thread was fraying.

There’s something about endings that has always unsettled me. I often leave the last few episodes of a show unwatched, sometimes for a long time, only going back when I’ve gathered enough courage. I’m afraid of endings — and yet I face every ending with hope and anticipation for what comes after.

This chapter of my life ended here. So what does what comes next look like?

A New Life

Those who live in horizon never simply arrive somewhere, but are always on the way. — James P. Carse, Finite and Infinite Games

We are always on the way. Every ending is a new beginning, a chance to look at yourself again and reshape the story you’re living. Change is the only constant. Our understanding of ourselves keeps developing. And I’ve always had a deep love for this world and a lasting curiosity about it — I’m lucky that both have stayed with me until now.

Arriving in Singapore alone, about to step into a new job — especially with the reputation TikTok and Singapore tend to get on Chinese social media — I was nervous. But my impressions from the interviews were good, and I trust my impressions. I know this is just the fear that comes with facing the unknown. But I also know this is an opportunity, and I can dig down into it and find what I love about it. Life, for us, may be something like a continual transformation of everything we encounter into light and fire.

After one week here, I’m certain this is a team I can pour myself into for the second chapter of my career. The atmosphere is warm — no walls between levels, no walls between colleagues, no information asymmetry within the project. If you want to learn and grow, the door is always open.

On my first evening, a teammate who was moving to another team treated everyone to dinner. The conversation at the table had me laughing nonstop.

Day three: the team had a company outing to Universal Studios. I lost the Chinese-speaking group and ended up spending the day with the foreign colleagues. In the queues everyone looked out for me — even when my English faltered or I missed something, they’d gesture and work around it together with me.

Day four evening: the lead of the server team next to ours took us for bak kut teh. It wasn’t just the immediate team — the whole department turned out to be warmer than I’d expected.

Today is day five. Good Friday holiday. I’m writing this in the hotel room. Looking back at the week: full and happy.

James P. Carse writes in Finite and Infinite Games: “If I am to know the whole story of my life, I must have already translated it into an explanation — as though I could become the spectator of my own life, seeing both its first and last scene simultaneously. If this were so, I would not be living — I would be performing a life already performed.”

I’m glad I don’t know the whole story. I still hold curiosity and a sense of possibility about what’s ahead. I still love this world. I’m still in it, living.

Grateful for all of it.

🌺 Snippets from Life

A few moments from this period.

🌍 Shenzhen

These are all the places I went to in my years in Shenzhen. There’s still so much fog of war I never cleared — I hope I get the chance to keep exploring.

🌸 Suzhou

Went to see Ding, a roommate I used to be close to. A while ago I happened to receive a letter from him — we caught each other up on the past few years, and I realized we hadn’t seen each other in ages. I went before leaving. I’m genuinely envious of his setup: big apartment, his own gaming room, a calm Microsoft job that leaves him plenty of time. The night before I left, we went to an immersive role-playing mystery dinner together — he was Monday, I was Tuesday.

✈️ First Day in Singapore

Afternoon flight. I got pulled into a small room by immigration at the airport and wasn’t let out until evening. Everything here was a first. The next day I walked around the company neighborhood.

Also: the office is a building with ocean views! (Work rules don’t allow photos inside — this is from the canteen on the lower floor.)